I'm an American physician who works in an Urgent Care clinic. I see lots of stupid or funny things that people do with-and-to their health. I cope by mumbling under my breath (and then posting about it on this pseudonymous blog). Thought you might be interested.
(Disclaimer: Questions related to medical topics will be answered to the best of Dr. Cranquis' (and Google's) knowledge, but the internet-delivered wisdom on this blog CAN NOT AND SHOULD NOT SUBSTITUTE for your Real-Life Doctor's personal attention + examination, and your own common sense too! If you think you're having a medical emergency, hang up and go email 911. The author of this blog takes no responsibility for any medical, relationship, scholastic, financial, or other decisions you may make based on information found in this blog.)
And since people seem to be a bit confused about this: any "real-sounding" patients names are just horrible puns, and not HIPAA violations.
Yes, being unable to poop is a lousy situation. But I think I would have a bit more sympathy for your situation if the following facts weren’t true about your case:
Your GI doctor keeps telling you to stop eating dairy, but you persist because “cheese is so yummy.”
Your GI doctor has told you to self-administer Fleet enemas a couple times per week, but you refuse (because “I don’t like the idea of sticking it inside me.”)
Your abdominal xray reveals a strange oval-shaped foreign body over the pelvic region — and on further questioning, you admit that your husband inserted a perfume bottle into your vagina during your sexy-times last night. A perfume bottle. Which you left in place for your visit to the doctor’s office. A entire perfume bottle. Not just the bottle cap, but the entire bottle.
I’ve seen one of these in real-life before — I had an attending who would carry it in his pocket, and when he’d run into a new nurse, he’d whisper loudly “I brought in a stool sample today, would you mind taking a look at it?” and then toss the cup into his/her palm and watch for the reaction. Tee hee!