Dr. Cranquis' Mumbled Gripes
(Disclaimer: Questions related to medical topics will be answered to the best of Dr. Cranquis' (and Google's) knowledge, but the internet-delivered wisdom on this blog CAN NOT AND SHOULD NOT SUBSTITUTE for your Real-Life Doctor's personal attention + examination, and your own common sense too! If you think you're having a medical emergency, hang up and go email 911. The author of this blog takes no responsibility for any medical, relationship, scholastic, financial, or other decisions you may make based on information found in this blog.)
And since people seem to be a bit confused about this: any "real-sounding" patients names are just horrible puns, and not HIPAA violations.
Using Emergency Contraception (while on the Pill)
Hey doctor! Hope your week is going well.
My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for about 15 months and we have sex regularly. He always uses a condom and I’ve been on the pill (Ortho Tri-Cyclin) since I was 14, and I’m almost 21 now.
A couple times the condom has broken and we are pretty paranoid about not having kids. Each time it has, I always went to the pharmacy to get the Plan B pill. My boyfriend begs me to get it every time the condom fails, but I don’t really think it’s necessary since I’m already on the pill. Plus, emergency contraception is expensive. This is only happened twice, but I don’t know if it’s dangerous for me to keep taking Plan B when I’m already on the pill
If the condom ever breaks again, should I take emergency contraception just to be safe? Do you think it’s necessary since I’m on the pill? Can taking Plan B multiple times mess up my hormones? Thanks for your help :)
Dear Uterus Securitus,
Let’s put this into terms that your boyfriend will understand easily.
- Using a condom (male or female) when the female is already faithfully using a hormonal contraceptive (pill, patch, ring, implant, IUD, etc) is like wearing a belt along with a pair of suspenders. Not strictly necessary, but it can’t hurt.
- Requiring that same woman to also take emergency contraception (such as Plan B, which is just a double/triple-dose of the same hormones that are in The Pill) if the condom breaks is like using a nail gun to make sure the pants are securely attached to your hip bones.
Seriously, though, it’s major overkill! In fact, even if you had already missed 1 dose of your daily pill prior to having The Condom-Destroying Sex, most literature does NOT recommend taking Plan B in that situation either!
Fun fact: in countries/cultures/situations where an Emergency Contraception (EC) pill isn’t available/allowed/whatever after unprotected sex, certain types of The Daily Pill can be MacGyvered into acting as Emergency Contraception by taking extra doses at certain time periods. Some details on that here.
Taking Plan B multiple times in your life won’t “mess up your hormones” or do any lasting damage to you, but if you’re taking it simultaneously with a daily hormonal pill, you will be exposing your body to more hormones overall, which I never recommend if it can be avoided.
In summary: the only extra pill needed in this situation is a chill pill. For your boyfriend. :)
***Pending Cranquis-Mails: 5; Inbox: Closed***
- *Actual Discussion*
- Patient: So was the pregnancy test positive?
- Cranquis: Yes, it was. I don't think that really came as a surprise to you, since the 4 tests you did at home before coming in to the clinic were positive too.
- Patient: No, but -- how could this have happened?
- Cranquis: Well, do you recall 2 months ago, when you saw the gynecologist to be tested for STD's, and you were positive for Chlamydia?
- Patient: Yes.
- Cranquis: And you remember how at that visit, you told the doctor that you thought the reason you got the Chlamydia was because the condom had broken during sex with your boyfriend 2 days before?
- Patient: Yes.
- Cranquis: The doctor's note says that she gave you a prescription for Plan B (emergency post-coital contraception) to take right away.
- Patient: Yeah, but, I didn't take it, because I forgot.
- Cranquis: Well, I think that answers your question.
- -----------
- *Hypothetical Discussion*
- Cranquis-House: The test showed you have an infection.
- Patient: What kind of infection? I don't have a fever!
- Cranquis-House: It's a parasitic infection. Called Cyesis. You're still in a rather early stage, around 2 months based on your classic symptoms: nausea, fatigue, gassyness, achey boobs.
- Patient: Achey... boobs? But how did you know my boobs were achey?
- Cranquis-House: You're not wearing a bra, and since you weren't alive when bra-burning was popular, sore nipples explain your T-Shirt Commando fashion statement. Thank you for that, by the way.
- Patient: Oh. So... is this "cyesis" deadly?
- Cranquis-House: Not usually, but it's very tenacious. At this stage, it's physically curable, although the treatment raises moral and emotional issues for some. Once the infection becomes advanced, you'll be legally prevented from attempting to cure it, until it runs its course.
- Patient: Legally...?
- Cranquis-House: The actual infestation lasts 38-40 weeks, but even after your body finally expels the parasite, you'll still be burdened with the social and financial after-effects of the disease for 18 years or more.
- Patient: 18... YEARS?!
- Cranquis-House: Of course, if you'd taken all the pills the gynecologist prescribed 2 months ago, you wouldn't be in this predicament. But you didn't take them, did you?
- Patient: Well, I took the chlamydia medication, but the others -- well, I thought those were just contraceptives, and I didn't think...
- Cranquis-House: Here's a little tip for next time -- if you got freaky enough to get the clap, you got freaky enough to earn a standing ovation. Congratulations -- you're pregnant (Sarcastic slow-applause).
