Dear Father of the over-weight kid with “achy legs after running for a long time in gym class yesterday”:
I agree, the gym teacher should’ve taught your child to stretch properly before doing vigorous exercise.
I agree, the child should rest from gym class today.
I agree, the child should be allowed to use the elevator in school today because it hurts to walk up the stairs.
But I do NOT agree with your requests for:
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
Eating high-fat-content dairy products.
Along came a spider and sat down beside her,
And frightened Miss Muffet away.
However, her poor dietary choices had made her large and cumbersome,
So she was too slow to escape getting bit upon one meaty thigh by the spider,
Which turned out, unfortunately, to be a Brown Recluse.
This resulted in a rapidly-enlarging necrotic area at the bite wound, which required repeated surgical debridement and eventual skin grafting.