Dr. Cranquis' Mumbled Gripes

I'm an American physician who works in an Urgent Care clinic. I see lots of stupid or funny things that people do with-and-to their health. I cope by mumbling under my breath (and then posting about it on this pseudonymous blog). Thought you might be interested.

(Disclaimer: Questions related to medical topics will be answered to the best of Dr. Cranquis' (and Google's) knowledge, but the internet-delivered wisdom on this blog CAN NOT AND SHOULD NOT SUBSTITUTE for your Real-Life Doctor's personal attention + examination, and your own common sense too! If you think you're having a medical emergency, hang up and go email 911. The author of this blog takes no responsibility for any medical, relationship, scholastic, financial, or other decisions you may make based on information found in this blog.)

Blogs I Follow

Posts tagged "meme"

Ok, challenge accepted: let’s see what happens when I actually recommend your (admittedly-intriguing collection of medically-themed posts and reblogs) blog, The Medical Chronicles!

HEY ERRYBODY! You really ought to check out that there blog!

And for creating such a sultry-looking meme, I also award you the Cranquis Golden Tongue Depressor Award for Best After-School Craft Project. :)

Mrs. Cranquis’ picked the winning pics for the recent “What do YOU think Cranquis looks like in real life?” contest on the Facebook Fan Page. She also had the bright idea of riding the “What my friends think I do” meme-wave.

All credit for this motto goes to drshutterbug.

I just may need to get this image tattooed on my xiphoid process. XD

And stop sitting spread-eagled like that, sir. I’m having a hard time ignoring your floppy bits while you chatter on about your motor home.

SERIOUSLY. This guy has the balls to claim “chest pain” at the front desk, then refuses an EKG because “I just need the doc to come in here and refill my medication for my back pain… my chest is fine.”

Guess how many waiting patients he skipped in line? 2. TWO!! You jacktard, just wait your turn for an extra 20 minutes and the doc won’t come into the room already pissed off. No, I won’t refill your Vicodin and your Xanax. >:E

This just happened. EXCUUUUUSE me for trying to actually evaluate and diagnose your “red painful face rash” — maybe next time, don’t face-plant into the clown makeup on your way to my clinic.

(Seriously, she over-reacted so vigorously that I started asking her questions about domestic violence, thinking maybe she was covering up a fist-mark or something!)

Seriously, this always happens.

Like a BOSS.

PET PEEVE ALERT. I get really annode by this. ;)

(The “prostate”/”prostrate” mixup is similar, but more amusing to me.)

Seriously, people — why do you cram into my Urgent Care when the weather is so lovely outside? GO GET SOME SUNSHINE!

For all you die hard Cranquis fans who no longer drink anything caffeinated.

Aah-haha! Thank you, this really cracked me up! XD

It’s true, I don’t recommend caffeine as a solution for staying awake (whether you’re cramming for an exam, or on-call in the hospital). But I’ll still let you read my blog if you keep on sippin’ your Mountain Dew — just don’t drink TOO MUCH!