Dr. Cranquis' Mumbled Gripes

I'm an American physician who works in an Urgent Care clinic. I see lots of stupid or funny things that people do with-and-to their health. I cope by mumbling under my breath (and then posting about it on this pseudonymous blog). Thought you might be interested.

(Disclaimer: Questions related to medical topics will be answered to the best of Dr. Cranquis' (and Google's) knowledge, but the internet-delivered wisdom on this blog CAN NOT AND SHOULD NOT SUBSTITUTE for your Real-Life Doctor's personal attention + examination, and your own common sense too! If you think you're having a medical emergency, hang up and go email 911. The author of this blog takes no responsibility for any medical, relationship, scholastic, financial, or other decisions you may make based on information found in this blog.)

Blogs I Follow

Posts tagged "medical humor"

Ha! Reminds me of a similar story that happened to me — with less suicide but more threats of bodily harm. :S

(Thanks to wifeofadocstar for the submission!)

mysomewherefaraway:

oh my gosh this is ACCURATE.

I always play words with friends in lectures…

“…cuz 65% is passing, I don’t even care!” *accurate song is accurate*

Writing You Say.

sahithi-allu submitted:

I thought it would be relevant for your recent handwriting posts.

Love the blog!

&^#$ thank you &*@#$ much, @#$&&% jokes about #(**%$! never @#$%*(( old!

Thanks to Josh Hutton for sharing this on the Cranquis Facebook Fan Page!

I’ve seen one of these in real-life before — I had an attending who would carry it in his pocket, and when he’d run into a new nurse, he’d whisper loudly “I brought in a stool sample today, would you mind taking a look at it?” and then toss the cup into his/her palm and watch for the reaction. Tee hee!

Reblog: “Do Your Ears Hang Low” for the Chronically Ill

lupinelady:

Do your knee joints swell?

Do they throb and burn like hell?

Are your muscles all in knots?

Are you ill, but friends can’t tell?

Can you barely move your shoulders

And though you’re sick, still on you soldier?

Do your

knee

joints

swell.

Any verses to add?

Hilarious!! I am also envious that I didn’t think of this nursery rhyme/kiddie song first, as a topic for my own Medically-Correct Nursery Rhymes. Well done. :)

(via themedicalchronicles)

flyingscotsman:

(via izismile)

Yeah yeah yeah…

(via baffledinbrooklyn)

HIPAA joke

A: Knock Knock!
B: Who's there?
A: Can't tell you.

pbsparents:

Ah, thank you. That clears that up.

This should come in handy for any future pregnancy-related Cranquis-Mails.

(via pbsparents)

tieduh:

Medical Joke!

I love it!

Oh man, I can’t believe he wrote that in the chart! ;)

passion-for-medicine:

OMG. AWESOME TRICKS. Must watch :D

Ok, 3 thoughts on watching this (very funny) video:

NO WAY. There’s got to be some camera tricks happening. Or this doctor is a Jedi.
Regardless, I’m glad they didn’t show this doc throwing a foley catheter.
Watch where the guy in the wheelchair puts his hands. This is proper procedure when your doctor attempts to test your reflexes from across the room.

(Thanks to passion-for-medicine for sharing!)

The first time you correctly diagnose something in clinic

whatshouldwecallmedschool:

You’re just like,

This blog boils down all those quintessential med-school moments to a hilarious series of gifs. It is full of win. You must enjoy it as much as I do. MUST.

(Thanks to md-admissions for enlightening me).

THE DOCTOR’S BRAIN

passion-for-medicine submitted:

Found this in the “Medical Post” newspaper…and I was wondering if your brain is similar to this? (Of course, it’s missing the “post everything on tumblr” gland) This is not meant as an insult…just a joke. :D

Have a good weekend!

I love it! :) Thanks for sharing.

PHYSICIAN, n. One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.

From the Devil’s Dictionary, by Ambrose Bierce (via klbyrd)

Generic Naming Satire by Dr. Rob Bellmont →

medicalstate:

As a humorous slide at the end of our male reproductive anatomy lecture, we all had a good laugh out of this one, especially after the dense and draining material of neuroanatomy of the previous week. It is a little low brow perhaps, but amusing.

The Industry has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.

After consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced the generic name of mycoxafloppin. Also considered were mycoxafailin, mydixadrupin, mydixarizin, mydixadud, dixafix, and of course ibepokin.

Pfizer Inc. recently indicated that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. Pepsi’s ad campaign claims it will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink. This additive gives new meaning to the names of cocktails, highballs and just a good old fashioned stiff drink. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of Mount & Do.

THE PUNS! ALL THE PUNS!!

S—t Med Students Say

By med students at Johns Hopkins. Well-edited, and quite accurate, and VERY funny. Brought back a lot of memories for me, mostly good ones… :)

Thanks to Cranquistador suechu for sharing the link with me!