Dr. Cranquis' Mumbled Gripes

jayparkinsonmd: The Jenny McCarthy Body Count site tracks the...

Thu, 31 May 2012 10:40:54 -0500

The Jenny McCarthy Body Count site tracks the number of vaccine-preventable illnesses and deaths in the US since June 2007.

See also

via kottke

I love ranting jovially about self-proclaimed vaccine-danger-expert Jenny McCarthy and similar anti-vaccine nonsense. But this website puts some cold hard numbers on the table in a way which sobers the discussion right up.

"You know, I love my primary doctor, we’ve been good friends for years, but — good grief,..."

Thu, 31 May 2012 05:47:31 -0500

“You know, I love my primary doctor, we’ve been good friends for years, but — good grief, when it’s time for the rectal exam, that man has fingers like cucumbers!”

- 60-something male patient, bemoaning his doctor’s masculine hands.

Which reminds me of Dr. Cranquis’ Rule of Thumb for Rectal Exams: If the doctor’s index finger is as thick as your thumb, you might want to reconsider dropping your drawers. ;)

Treasure Hunt: El Gala Grande -- update.

Wed, 30 May 2012 22:37:27 -0500

kowaikitty replied to your photo: The El Gala Grande treasure is guarded by this…

It’s at a library! :D

Very good! But not as impressive as THIS deduction:

receiver submitted:

From all the way down in Montgomery, and having never been there*, i hope this prize is at the NYPL. :-)

*There being the NYPL. A dream destination of mine.

So NOW what? More clues to the treasure have already been given. Get to work, New Yorkers!

confessions-of-a-redhead answered your question: Behind the Medic: What’s a...

Wed, 30 May 2012 22:15:39 -0500

confessions-of-a-redhead answered your question: Behind the Medic: What’s a calendar?

Everybody probably thinks you’re the best doctor ever today! *LOL* You’re awesome.

Eh, maybe. But you know who is REALLY awesome? The people who posted these gifs (and cheered up a truly grotesque shift for me, thanks!) —>

pi-on-a-skateboard replied to your post: Behind the Medic: What’s a calendar?

doctom666 replied to your post: Behind the Medic: What’s a calendar?

stuft replied to your post: Behind the Medic: What’s a calendar?

heatherhaslokifeels replied to your post: Behind the Medic: What’s a calendar?

liziel replied to your post: Behind the Medic: What’s a calendar?

buni-bun-bun replied to your post: Behind the Medic: What’s a calendar?

Behind the Medic: What's a calendar?

Wed, 30 May 2012 18:46:31 -0500

At work for over 7 hours.

Suddenly realizing that there are 31 days in May, not 30.

Which means that I’ve been accidentally giving everyone an extra day off of work/school by writing “5/30/12 through 6/1/12” on their excuse notes.

And I don’t have access to Photobucket at work, so I can’t even put a good gif for this post.

The El Gala Grande treasure is guarded by this fellow. And...

Wed, 30 May 2012 07:18:30 -0500

The El Gala Grande treasure is guarded by this fellow.

And there’s a couple other treasures still hiding out there.

Behind the Medic: Basic Clinic Traffic Etiquette

Wed, 30 May 2012 07:07:19 -0500

When two clinic workers are both trying to walk through the same doorway at the same time, the person transporting body fluids has right-of-way.

In a case of both people transporting body fluids, the smellier fluid wins.

Medical Admissions: Admission #77: Gunnerhea

Wed, 30 May 2012 06:51:52 -0500

Medical Admissions: Admission #77: Gunnerhea:

md-admissions:

Condition: GUNNERHEA

Description: biopsychosocial infectious disease occuring in students of the medicine.

Etiology: USMLEs, boards, shelf exams, presence of a famous, well-to-do lecturer or physician, finals that are scheduled closely in time; cumulative finals have shown a sharp spike in…

One of md-admissions best posts EVER. “ASS-Whole test” hahahaha!

EMT QUESTION There’s a topic that’s being debated...

Wed, 30 May 2012 05:40:28 -0500

EMT QUESTION

There’s a topic that’s being debated by my EMS Squad, and I figured I’d ask your opinion:

If someone is acting as an EMT, but they have certifications beyond it, in what capacity should they act when we’re called to a patient? It’s come up with two different specific questions: there is someone on our squad who’s certified as a paramedic. Should they be giving aid to the patient as a paramedic, or as an EMT, when they’re on our EMT Rescue squad?

The original question was when I told my day lieutenant I was pre-med and my long term goal was to become an ER Physician. She said “great, we’ll have a doctor on call!” To which the night lieutenant said “no, she’ll still be an EMT.” Who is right? If you’ve been trained well beyond an EMT’s certification, like (long in the future) when I have my MD, but you’re responding as an EMT, do you fall to your training level or your “responding level”?

Oh geez. This is a tough question. I think the “proper” answer would probably vary, depending on many factors (local and state laws, institutional policies, the complexity of the patient’s medical needs, the hard-assed-ness of the EMT’s bosses).

But I have to admit: I’ve never heard of an ER doc still working out in the field as an EMT. I just don’t see the point. Sure, ER docs would have the free time to do so, since a typical ER doc works in shift-schedules which leave a lot of time to pursue other interests — but he/she would be so over-qualified and under-paid (relative to what you make in a real ER job) that it wouldn’t be worth his/her time to show up for the job (to put it bluntly). But perhaps I’m wrong — I’m Family-Medicine trained and only work in an Urgent Care, after all, so I don’t know much about how the ER docs like to roll. :)

PS: Holy Toledo, it took me 2 months to reply to your question. I am so sorry!

***Pending Cranquis-Mails: 1; Inbox: Closed — and now that TumblrMSG no longer exists, I’m really not sure what I’m going to use for the next Open Inbox session.***

kindofnotok submitted: despite being a brit, and therefore needing to think twice reminding myself...

Tue, 29 May 2012 22:01:28 -0500

kindofnotok submitted:

despite being a brit, and therefore needing to think twice reminding myself you guys have a different health care system to us, your blog is a bit of a lifesaver reminding me doctors are real people too! Being horribly well acquainted with my local health services it’s easy to take out my own frustration on health professionals for not being able to give the awnsers I want. Great blog, always makes me smile, even if I can’t help thinking if I ever had you as an walk in doctor I’d probably end up as the subject of a stupidiot post!!

Thank you for your flattering words! I particularly enjoyed reading them aloud in my most florid Cockney (“AWN-SERS” — you even SPELL your words in an accent, tee hee!), which earned me a strange look from Mrs. Cranquis (as usual). And if you are ever in an Urgent Care in the US, be sure to refer to yourself as a Stupidiot in front of the doctor, so that if it’s ME, I’ll know it’s YOU. ;)

wayfaringmd replied to your post: Do we have a new treasure hidden? We do! Is it in NARNIA?! ...

Tue, 29 May 2012 21:49:06 -0500

wayfaringmd replied to your post: Do we have a new treasure hidden? We do!

Is it in NARNIA?!

wayfaringmd replied to your post: Do we have a new treasure hidden? We do!

Yes. Yes, the next treasure is hidden in Narnia. Everybody go lock yourselves in your wardrobes now and see if you can find the lamp-post.

Do we have a new treasure hidden? We do!

Tue, 29 May 2012 19:28:28 -0500

And now to business. I feel I am going to roar. You had better put your fingers in your ears!

The El Gala Grande treasure hunt has begun, and I ain’t lyin’.

And this prize is particularly special: a recording of Yours Truly reading some of my posts and poetry.

Annnnnnd… GO.

The Natives are Restless

Tue, 29 May 2012 16:55:20 -0500

liziel answered your question: (from the Cranquis Facebook Fan Page) Thanks for…

*gasp* How dare she even think about replacing that handsome face of Hugh Laurie! To the dungeon! Feed her to the rats!!! >:(

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHahahahaha!

(from the Cranquis Facebook Fan Page) Thanks for reading,...

Tue, 29 May 2012 16:19:40 -0500

(from the Cranquis Facebook Fan Page)

Thanks for reading, Anjelie! Nope, I’ll stick with Hugh Laurie’s rugged good looks for the blog — cuz I wish I could be House (and because I love Hugh Laurie, too).

As for Dr. Najeeb vs Kaplan — I assume you’re asking about USMLE Step review courses? Cuz I recognize Kaplan, but have no idea who/what Dr. Najeeb is. (It’s been many years since I had to take any standardized tests). But perhaps my readers have some input on that question? Regardless, good luck in your studies/reviews!?

Fun Fact: P is for Pregnancy Test

Tue, 29 May 2012 15:36:00 -0500

ATTENTION FEMALES OF THE WORLD:

You know those over-the-counter home pregnancy tests? Those little sticks you pee on when you miss a period? Well guess what? Those are the exact same tests* that we use to test your pee when you come bustling into the Urgent Care, demanding a “more accurate” pregnancy test to “confirm” the 2-8 tests you’ve already done at home.

*Only difference is, we get to bill you/your insurance exorbitant amounts of money for the test supply and performance. Yay.

And don’t get me started on the “But, but, but I want a BLOOD pregnancy test!” blather. Yes, there is such a thing (it’s called a serum HCG test), but the only medically-useful one is the Quantitative HCG (which is used to determine HOW MUCH pregnancy hormone is in a pregnant woman, especially in cases of suspected miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy). The Qualitative HCG (“Yes” or “No”) is no more accurate than the urine HCG test that you already used — although it can be useful in situations where the urine HCG test is “inconclusive”.

TRANSLATION: YOU DO PEE TEST AT HOME, IT SAY “YES” OR “NO” PREGGO, YOU NO WASTE YOU MONEY AND MY TIME WITH SAME TEST IN CLINIC.

"I remember being so scared of seeing patients once because I felt like I was only a doctor on paper...."

Tue, 29 May 2012 09:28:20 -0500

“I remember being so scared of seeing patients once because I felt like I was only a doctor on paper. I felt like a fraud, thinking, ‘These people do not want my care. What could I do for them?’ But then one day it will all sink in. You will realize that the body is just a giant machine and when something break, it manifests in predictable ways. Once you recognize those patterns, you will feel more comfortable doing what you need to do.”

- A doctor reassures me about overcoming the anxiety of taking on more responsibility in a patient’s care. (via medicalstate)

Fun Fact: Second-Hand Smoke contains even MORE chemicals than the smoke inhaled by the person smoking the cigarette.

Mon, 28 May 2012 14:33:51 -0500

In other words, when walking through a crowd of smokers outside of your workplace, you’re better off grabbing a cig and puffing on it. (I kid, I kid).

Source: California Air Resources Board study, 2005

Patient Education: Inhaled Medication Instructional Videos

Mon, 28 May 2012 10:23:00 -0500

Patient Education: Inhaled Medication Instructional Videos:

A series of videos to help asthmatic patients learn to properly use any of their inhalers.

(Part of the reason I’m posting this is so that I can refer back to it quickly for my patients, using the TinyURL that I created for the LOOOONG actual website name: http://tinyurl.com/inhaler-videos. Feel free to pass that along to your asthmatic patients/friends!)

Recommendation: Radiologysigns.tumblr.com

Mon, 28 May 2012 10:11:00 -0500

itsglitz replied to your post: Hey you crazy kids

Also, radiologysigns.tumblr.com

Oooh, yes! Another good one! Not just a mountain of radiology images (xray, CT, etc) with a new image posted 3x/week, but also explanations of the associated medical conditions with links to related articles on the “parent” website, Radiopaedia.org.

Thanks for the tip, itsglitz!

Hey you crazy kids

Mon, 28 May 2012 09:54:48 -0500

wayfaringmd:

Spending too much time on Tumblr? Well now you can make your procrastination time a little more productive by perusing USMLEpathslides. It’s well organized and pretty useful for studying, from what I’ve seen, so check it out!

Ok, I’ll admit, my first reaction to this recommendation was: “Ugh, pathology slides. So glad I don’t have to pretend to understand those anymore.”

Then I checked out the website. HOT DIGGITY DOG, it’s not JUST pathology slides! There’s gross anatomy pictures, physical exam findings, radiology images — it’s a veritable cornucopia of visual study aids! And so well-organized that it just about makes me nauseous with envy.

“YOU NEED STUDY FOR STEP 1, YOU HATE READ BOOK? YOU GO THIS WEBSITE FOR WHILE!”