(Identity blocked by request) asked:
I might be seeing someone soon. I don’t know if there is a disclosure when it comes to possibly dating someone/relationship wise of how much skeletons to disclose.. Does it really depend on trust/depth level? It’s been 5 years since I’ve seriously dated someone. Before this person, I just slept around really, but hey STD free and played it safe. The only thing I’m worried about with her, is her depression levels lately combined with stress. Should one do a pamper day for their lover?
Hey, it’s been quite a while since anyone has asked me a question about dating and relationships! So thanks — and thanks for giving me permission to publish your question on the blog.
New relationships certainly must be built on an platform of honesty and openness — but that doesn’t mean that you need to expose every sordid detail of your history immediately. First the relationship must have time to develop its own history, to firmly establish your current personality/integrity in your Significant Other’s eyes so that when (not IF, but WHEN) the SO someday learns about things from your past of which you are less than proud, he/she will be able to interpret them in the light of who you WERE vs who you ARE.
Also, it’s common when first starting a relationship with a SO who is depressed, for the SO to “drag out of you” promises of everlasting love and/or revelations of your prior “screw-ups” as a sign of your “true love” for them. Don’t fall for that trap — rather, let your day-to-day actions over time be the best and surest sign of your affections.
This doesn’t mean that you SHOULDN’T provide special moments, “Pampering Days” etc — that’s part of the real fun of dating, particularly in the early days of the relationship! But take note of the SO’s interpretation of those “pampering days” — a needy one will assume that this is the true standard of the relationship’s health (“If you’re not giving me huge celebrations and signs of affection constantly, then our relationship is DYING!”).
I hope that all makes sense — cuz I’m mainly writing this advice to my past “pre-Mrs. Cranquis” self. :S