The average human body temperature is 98.6 degrees farenheit — basic fact you learned in health class, right?
Well, yes and no: that number doesn’t account for the route of measurement (oral/mouth vs. tympanic/ear vs. temporal/forehead vs. axillary/armpit vs. rectal/eww).
My 1st rule of thumb: the deeper you had to plunge the thermometer, the higher your body temperature is going to read on your thermometer.
My 2nd rule of thumb: don’t use your thumb to verify the 1st rule of thumb.
So, I say all that to explain this frustration — I ask people, “Have you had a fever?” and they reply, “Oh yes, my temperature was 98.6, which IS a fever for ME, because I always run at 96.6 degrees, so I’m 2 degrees lower than average, so a temp of 98.6 if really 100.6 for me, and also I have cloven hooves and a forked tail and sometimes my belly-button smells like pickles” (which is just the most eye-ball-rolling pointless spiel, and I think I tend to tune out around the time they start talking about cloven hooves.)
Really? You’ve checked your temperature every day at the same time in the same weather in the same clothing with the same thermometer in the same area/orifice for a statistically-significant amount of time? Or (more likely), you don’t even OWN a thermometer, and the last 2 times your doctor’s office checked your temperature, it was 96.SOMETHING and so you’ve magically extrapolated your life-long average body temperature from this. And now you’re using this infallible tidbit of personal data to conclude that (a) you have a “fever” and (2) you need to be on antibiotics because obviously your sniffles of the past 22 hours and your “fever” are signs of bacterial pneumonia!
(then I apply one of every type of thermometer in every possible location in your body — just not in the correct locations)