Dr. Cranquis' Mumbled Gripes

I'm an American physician who works in an Urgent Care clinic. I see lots of stupid or funny things that people do with-and-to their health. I cope by mumbling under my breath (and then posting about it on this pseudonymous blog). Thought you might be interested.

(Disclaimer: Questions related to medical topics will be answered to the best of Dr. Cranquis' (and Google's) knowledge, but the internet-delivered wisdom on this blog CAN NOT AND SHOULD NOT SUBSTITUTE for your Real-Life Doctor's personal attention + examination, and your own common sense too! If you think you're having a medical emergency, hang up and go email 911. The author of this blog takes no responsibility for any medical, relationship, scholastic, financial, or other decisions you may make based on information found in this blog.)

And since people seem to be a bit confused about this: any "real-sounding" patients names are just horrible puns, and not HIPAA violations.

Blogs I Follow

Norcoon. (nohr-koon). noun; slang.
1. A patient who keeps coming back to your clinic/ER/Urgent Care in the hopes of getting a refill on pain medication, even though you told him/her that there would be no more refills at the time of the initial prescription.
2. An apparently-calm patient with an apparently-innocent request for a pain med refill, who becomes suddenly vicious/rude/agressive when you say “No.”
Example: ‘If you keep feeding the norcoons, they’ll keep showing up on your back porch looking for more.’
Origin: Dr. Cranquis, after a long day of staving off rabid norcoons.
Synonyms: Vicopossum, Squirreltram.

Note: Probably not suitable for actual use in the patient’s medical record.