Dr. Cranquis' Mumbled Gripes

I'm an American physician who works in an Urgent Care clinic. I see lots of stupid or funny things that people do with-and-to their health. I cope by mumbling under my breath (and then posting about it on this pseudonymous blog). Thought you might be interested.

(Disclaimer: Questions related to medical topics will be answered to the best of Dr. Cranquis' (and Google's) knowledge, but the internet-delivered wisdom on this blog CAN NOT AND SHOULD NOT SUBSTITUTE for your Real-Life Doctor's personal attention + examination, and your own common sense too! If you think you're having a medical emergency, hang up and go email 911. The author of this blog takes no responsibility for any medical, relationship, scholastic, financial, or other decisions you may make based on information found in this blog.)

And since people seem to be a bit confused about this: any "real-sounding" patients names are just horrible puns, and not HIPAA violations.

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TSK: Shouldn't you have STARTED with that piece of information?

Cranquis: So this blurry vision and dry mouth just came on all of a sudden this morning?
50-something patient: Yes.
Cranquis: Have you been exposed to any chemicals lately? Pesticides, cleaning agents?
Patient: No.
Cranquis: Has anything changed in your prescription medications lately?
Patient: No.
Cranquis: How about any new over-the-counter medications? Herbal remedies?
Patient: Well... no.
Cranquis: Sounded like you were thinking of something important there.
Patient: Well... I accidentally took my daughter's anti-depressant pill last night, instead of my regular pain pill. But that's not over-the-counter. And that couldn't cause me to feel this way for ~THIS~ long, could it?