Dr. Cranquis' Mumbled Gripes

If you’re a 20-something female who is on The Pill (oral contraceptive) for birth control, you’re gonna miss a pill occasionally. And if you DO miss a few doses, you gotta “catch up,” right? And sure, there’s detailed instructions in every package of OCP’s (and online) on what to do if you forget to take The Pill on time — but why look at instructions? It’s just simple math! And you’re definitely simple!

So, let’s see. If: Miss 1 pill = Take 2 pills the next day…

Then, um: Missed 5 pills =… uh, carry the 4 and divide by the numerator… aw hell, just take 6 pills at once, right? 

Only… wait a second… now that you took 6 pills at once, does that mean you DON’T need to take any more pills for the NEXT 6 days?

Oh who cares. Just take the pills whenever you want, right? Or don’t take them! Whatever!!! What’s the worst that could happen?

12 days of non-stop vaginal bleeding. That’s what. 

(Aaaand now you’re all thinking about Wolverine having a period. You’re welcome.)