Dear OB doctor whom I have never met and who operates a practice in a nearby town:
Let me get this straight. A woman can have 3 positive urine pregnancy tests at home, plus she’s been trying to get pregnant, plus she has always had regular periods plus now she’s missed the last two periods… and yet you are still going to require her to “see her personal physician (or a local ER or Urgent Care) to have an official urine pregnancy test result in her chart” before you will accept her as a patient in your OB clinic?
WHAT THE FUDGESICLES??
Are those OTC home pregnancy tests just too unreliable for you? Too many false positives lately on the old pee-stick? So surely the Urgent Care’s urine pregnancy tests will be more accurate, right? (WRONG)
Or perhaps you’re tired of all those malingering pseudopregnancy patients, all trying to pretend they’re pregnant, waddling in with pillows stuffed under their maternity clothing and waving faked-up urine pregnancy tests (all forged up with pink magic marker) and hoping they can con their way past the ultrasound because they really REALLY want to see what a c-section feels like?
Oh, oh! I know what it is! You must have a nice kickback deal going on with the insurance companies — they’ll pay you a sweet little bonus for every patient who has to waste her time and mine just to have a doctor declare, “Well, whaddayaknow, you’re pregnant alright!”
Oh my, just a moment. Perhaps I’m being too tough on you. Perhaps the reason is simple: your clinic has run out of urine pregnancy test kits to use in your own office, and you’re too lazy to order more of them?
Well, whatever your reason, I dare you to send another patient to me for this frivolous reason. Cuz I’m just itching to pour all this dripping sarcasm into an official letter and mail it to you (with a copy to the patient’s insurance company, pointing out how you’re wasting the company’s resources on a pointless doctor visit and lab test that you could’ve done yourself). So bring it on.