Dr. Cranquis' Mumbled Gripes

I'm an American physician who works in an Urgent Care clinic. I see lots of stupid or funny things that people do with-and-to their health. I cope by mumbling under my breath (and then posting about it on this pseudonymous blog). Thought you might be interested.

(Disclaimer: Questions related to medical topics will be answered to the best of Dr. Cranquis' (and Google's) knowledge, but the internet-delivered wisdom on this blog CAN NOT AND SHOULD NOT SUBSTITUTE for your Real-Life Doctor's personal attention + examination, and your own common sense too! If you think you're having a medical emergency, hang up and go email 911. The author of this blog takes no responsibility for any medical, relationship, scholastic, financial, or other decisions you may make based on information found in this blog.)

And since people seem to be a bit confused about this: any "real-sounding" patients names are just horrible puns, and not HIPAA violations.

Blogs I Follow

Fun Fact: P is for Pregnancy Test

ATTENTION FEMALES OF THE WORLD:

You know those over-the-counter home pregnancy tests? Those little sticks you pee on when you miss a period? Well guess what? Those are the exact same tests* that we use to test your pee when you come bustling into the Urgent Care, demanding a “more accurate” pregnancy test to “confirm” the 2-8 tests you’ve already done at home.

*Only difference is, we get to bill you/your insurance exorbitant amounts of money for the test supply and performance. Yay.

And don’t get me started on the “But, but, but I want a BLOOD pregnancy test!” blather. Yes, there is such a thing (it’s called a serum HCG test), but the only medically-useful one is the Quantitative HCG (which is used to determine HOW MUCH pregnancy hormone is in a pregnant woman, especially in cases of suspected miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy). The Qualitative HCG (“Yes” or “No”) is no more accurate than the urine HCG test that you already used — although it can be useful in situations where the urine HCG test is “inconclusive”.

TRANSLATION: YOU DO PEE TEST AT HOME, IT SAY “YES” OR “NO” PREGGO, YOU NO WASTE YOU MONEY AND MY TIME WITH SAME TEST IN CLINIC.