Dr. Cranquis' Mumbled Gripes

I'm an American physician who works in an Urgent Care clinic. I see lots of stupid or funny things that people do with-and-to their health. I cope by mumbling under my breath (and then posting about it on this pseudonymous blog). Thought you might be interested.

(Disclaimer: Questions related to medical topics will be answered to the best of Dr. Cranquis' (and Google's) knowledge, but the internet-delivered wisdom on this blog CAN NOT AND SHOULD NOT SUBSTITUTE for your Real-Life Doctor's personal attention + examination, and your own common sense too! If you think you're having a medical emergency, hang up and go email 911. The author of this blog takes no responsibility for any medical, relationship, scholastic, financial, or other decisions you may make based on information found in this blog.)

And since people seem to be a bit confused about this: any "real-sounding" patients names are just horrible puns, and not HIPAA violations.

Blogs I Follow

TSK: Time to invent the Anti-Tick Cannon.

Cranquis: Ok, there's the tick I pulled out from your scalp, Burgdorf!
5-year-old Burgdorf: WOW LOOK AT IT THAT IS HUGE!
Cranquis: Yeah, I suppose so.
Burgdorf: IF YOU DIDN'T PULL IT OFF, WOULD IT GET BIGGER?
Cranquis: Yes, it could get a bit bigger.
Burgdorf: HOW BIG?
Cranquis *drawing a spot the size of a raisin on the exam-table paper*: About like that.
Burgdorf *obviously disappointed*: OH. WOULDN'T IT BE COOL IF IT WOULD GET LIKE THIS BIG *indicates size of a beach ball* AND I'D BE WALKING AROUND WITH THIS HUGE BUG HANGING OFF OF MY HEAD?
Cranquis: Buddy, if you walked in here with a tick that big on your head, I'd run right through that wall screaming all the way.