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Dr. Cranquis' Mumbled Gripes

I'm an American physician who works in an Urgent Care clinic. I see lots of stupid or funny things that people do with-and-to their health. I cope by mumbling under my breath (and then posting about it on this pseudonymous blog). Thought you might be interested.

(Disclaimer: Questions related to medical topics will be answered to the best of Dr. Cranquis' (and Google's) knowledge, but the internet-delivered wisdom on this blog CAN NOT AND SHOULD NOT SUBSTITUTE for your Real-Life Doctor's personal attention + examination, and your own common sense too! If you think you're having a medical emergency, hang up and go email 911. The author of this blog takes no responsibility for any medical, relationship, scholastic, financial, or other decisions you may make based on information found in this blog.)

And since people seem to be a bit confused about this: any "real-sounding" patients names are just horrible puns, and not HIPAA violations.

Blogs I Follow
20 Old School Surgical Tools that will give you the heebie-jeebies. →

My favorite is the one that explains where the phrase “to blow smoke up one’s ass” comes from. But they’re all grotesquely delightful. Thanks for Facebook Fan/Cranquistador Sandra for the link!

Mrs. Cranquis’ astute comment: “I wonder which modern medical tools will end up on a similar list 200 years from now?” I’d guess the “glove-encased gel-coated finger”, for one.

Link
  1. lecra reblogged this from cranquis
  2. pleasemrmusic-willyouplay reblogged this from seekeroftruth27
  3. strawberryorange reblogged this from choreamajor
  4. corexin reblogged this from grotesquery
  5. grotesquery reblogged this from cirk-urk and added:
    This is amazing.
  6. seekeroftruth27 reblogged this from cirk-urk and added:
    Ooooh, I love stuff like this!
  7. metalmistress1349 reblogged this from cirk-urk and added:
    best article EVER. and most of these names would make fabulous death metal or grindcore band names or song titles! also...
  8. cirk-urk reblogged this from hey-sugar-hey and added:
    I only got a quarter of the way down before everything on my body started to ache with the thought of any of those being...
  9. midgetmonkey reblogged this from cranquis
  10. x1alejandro3x reblogged this from cranquis
  11. sassmasterscout reblogged this from writingcyan
  12. tymkrs said: I don’t know…suppositories are kinda forever…
  13. dragimal reblogged this from cranquis
  14. butterscotchfiasco reblogged this from braingasmic and added:
    Collect them all!
  15. braingasmic reblogged this from cranquis and added:
    UGH, YES!!! I LOVE THESE THINGS!!!!!!!!
  16. janellerose reblogged this from dorasnursing
  17. varilari reblogged this from choreamajor
  18. jewshoe reblogged this from cranquis
  19. janiefanny reblogged this from cranquis
  20. afeliz reblogged this from peripheric
  21. bloodbabe2003 reblogged this from teratomarty and added:
    The morbid part of me wants to see what Marty cooks up with these horrifying instruments. The I don’t wanna know part of...
  22. yourcraysisterinchrist replied:
  23. bastran reblogged this from teratomarty and added:
    Tonsil Guillotine
  24. adreamersmercilesswords reblogged this from thewhitewolfhasarrived and added:
    *CRINGING*
  25. thewhitewolfhasarrived reblogged this from mrspediatrician
  26. curiousitykilledthekittens reblogged this from cranquis
  27. stuft said: Ooooh, Dr. Cranquis, have you ever been to the Mutter Museum in Philly? Museum of Medical Oddities…http://www.collegeofphysicians.org/Site/mutter_museum.html (I’ve been there 3 times…)
  28. peripheric reblogged this from cranquis
  29. spinyn0rman reblogged this from shrikestrike and added:
    wtf am I looking at? D:
  30. weissekralle reblogged this from writingcyan and added:
    omg! There are so beautiful! I love them (Is normal if I’m not afraid for that Surgical Tools? lol)
  31. choreamajor reblogged this from writingcyan and added:
    oooh I’ve seen this article before. maybe I linked it here on tumblr too? I don’t remember. I just love the surgical...
  32. writingcyan reblogged this from teratomarty and added:
    Yessss, Marty. Although I doubt the rectal exam will ever go out of fashion as a diagnostic tool.
  33. shrikestrike reblogged this from teratomarty and added:
    tonsil guillotines “hemorrhaging” “imprecise” really, is that a fact
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