Dr. Cranquis' Mumbled Gripes

I'm an American physician who works in an Urgent Care clinic. I see lots of stupid or funny things that people do with-and-to their health. I cope by mumbling under my breath (and then posting about it on this pseudonymous blog). Thought you might be interested.

(Disclaimer: Questions related to medical topics will be answered to the best of Dr. Cranquis' (and Google's) knowledge, but the internet-delivered wisdom on this blog CAN NOT AND SHOULD NOT SUBSTITUTE for your Real-Life Doctor's personal attention + examination, and your own common sense too! If you think you're having a medical emergency, hang up and go email 911. The author of this blog takes no responsibility for any medical, relationship, scholastic, financial, or other decisions you may make based on information found in this blog.)

Blogs I Follow

TSK: Dead eyes with a blank stare, and me with my testicles retreating northward.

Cranquis: So the nurse said you are feeling really angry at your parents?
30-something female Army veteran with multiple psych issues: YES THEY MAKE ME SO MAD THAT MY HEAD WANTS TO IMPLODE. I COULD SHOOT MY DAD IN THE BRAINPAN AND I WOULDN'T EVEN CARE.
Cranquis: Do you have any firearms available to you?
Patient: NO BUT I'M ARMY TRAINED, I COULD KILL MY MOM WITH A PENCIL THROUGH THE EYE SOCKET. I'M A DANGEROUS BITCH.
Cranquis: I think maybe you need to return to the psych hospital that you were in a couple weeks ago, don't you?
Patient: OH YEAH, I NEED A VACATION FROM THIS CRAP. PLEASE CALL THE COPS TO COME GET ME.
Cranquis: I'm on it!