December 2011
72 posts
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haheh replied to your photo: SHARP PAIN IN RIGHT SHOULDER Hi, I was wondering…
Thank you! And you were right, it’s more of a pain that shoots IN my shoulder. To elaborate more, the pain would happen when I’d miss a meal. I will definitely look more into it. Thanks again and Happy Holidays! ^-^
You’re welcome, I guess — I felt like I didn’t help at all!
...
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: Embarrassment and Chronic Illness →
chroniccurve:
What if you’re embarrassed or in denial about your chronic illness? I receive this question all the time. What do you do when you’re embarrassed by your body’s ailments? What do you do?
Chronic illness brings about new insecurities that healthy individuals don’t have to battle, new…
(Yet another) terrific, insightful, soul-baring post by Chronic Curve. If you have any...
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kennedy replied to your photo: Is it wrong that I laughed so hard at this?
a friend of mine’s mother will pull out her fake breast and hand it to whoever said female friend is dating just for her own personal amusement in their awkwardness.
Bwa-hahaha! That is so wrong, yet so hilarious!
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“The appearance of lordosis (increased curvature of the spine) in black women may...”
– Mosby’s Guide to Physical Examination (via drshutterbug) (via drshutterbug)
“I like prominent gluteal muscles and I cannot prevaricate…”
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The Year in Review, aka "Shameless... →
Hey all, I’ve been a bit slackish in the past week or so — no replies to the 8 Cranquis-Mails sitting in my inbox, plus an unfortunate delay in the 10,000 Follower Spectacular surprise (due to technical difficulties). So sorry.
Meanwhile, for those of you who are on break from school/work/life right now, and looking for a bit more Grade A High-Quality Homegrown Cranquis Goodness to...
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aperturedragonfly replied to your post: Behind the Medic: The prayer of an Urgent Care…
Sounds like today was rough. I hope tomorrow gets better.
Thanks! Tomorrow (today) will probably be just as hectic, what with the holiday season and all — but I start a long weekend of vacation after today’s shift, so… BRING IT ON! captain-nitrogen replied to your post: Behind the Medic:...
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Behind the Medic: The prayer of an Urgent Care...
Lord…
Preserve me from the first-time parents of an infant who “yawns too much.”
Guard me from rolling my eyes as the still-smoking COPD-er recites all the “natural” remedies they’ve been taking to “fix their lung problem.”
Shelter me from the wrath of ER physicians who feel imposed upon when I send a child with appendicitis symptoms to their ER.
...
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Behind the Medic: Dr. Cranquis' New Year's...
Studies have shown that brief interactions between doctors and smokers can significantly improve the smoker’s future chance of quitting smoking. One presentation I saw in residency really stuck with me — Smoking patients were 35% more likely to quit smoking in the next 3 months if their doctor would just say these two sentences to them during a visit:
“Have you thought about...
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doctom666 replied to your chat: TSK: The Honeymooners visit Dr. Cranquis
were they from DIZZYSLAVIA???
LOL! danicalifornia85 replied to your chat: TSK: The Honeymooners visit Dr. Cranquis
Vertigovich.*lol* You’re getting better and better in giving your patients funny pseudonyms like this.
Thanks! :)
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TSK: More fun with The Honeymooners (continuation...
Cranquis (walking, sees Mr. Vertigovich standing in hallway outside of clinic restroom): Can I help you find something, sir?
80-something year old Mr. Vertigovich: Ho no, doctorr, I just waitink for my wife, she tryink to make tinkle.
Cranquis: She's been in there for a while already, does she need help?
Mr. Vertigovich: Ho no, doctorr, she have nurss in zerr with her. But she always take so long to tinkle, is because of medication she takink for pain.
Cranquis: Oh, I see.
Mr. Vertigovich: Sometime I tell her, 'Ilya, you not hurry up and make tinkle, I pull out the catheter from my willy and let you borrow it maybe, so I not die of hunger waitink for you.'
Cranquis: (doubles over laughink)
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TSK: The Honeymooners visit Dr. Cranquis
Cranquis: I'd like to ask you some questions to see if your dizziness could be related to a stroke, Mrs. Vertigovich.
85-year-old Eastern European patient with dizziness: Ho-kay, doctorr.
Cranquis: Have you been feeling confused lately?
Patient: No, doctorr.
Cranquis: Have you had any change in your vision?
Patient: No, doctorr.
Patient's husband (interrupting): Doctorr, I save you lots of trouble. I tell you, she not have a stroke, because on way over here, she see well enough to keep naggink me about my drivink.
Patient: Well he is bad driver, doctorr!
Husband: I bring you to doctorr to fix your problems, not mine!
Cranquis: Um, excuse me while I go out in the hallway and have a chortling fit.
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FurthER Adventures of The GNU: This patient goes...
Greatest ER Nurse in the Universe: Ok, ma'am, the doctor wants me to fit you with a knee immobilizer. So I'm going to be strapping these 3 poles into place around your leg using this velcro device.
Patient: Ok.
GNU: (applying medial/in-seam pole, which runs all the way up into the patient's inguinal crease/crotch) Sorry, I know it's awkward to have this pole right there.
Patient: Oh well, I did ask Santa for a pole between my legs this Christmas, but this wasn't what I had in mind.
GNU: Guess you need to be more specific next year!
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TSK: Dr. Cranquis' nurse retaliates in...
Nurse: Hey Dr. Cranquis, have you ever heard of a natural remedy for vaginal yeast infections that involves garlic?
Cranquis: Um, no?
Nurse: Yeah, this midwife told me once, if you have a vaginal yeast infection, you put a clove of garlic in the vagina overnight...
Cranquis: What?
Nurse: ...and she said that, since the vagina is connected to the mouth...
Cranquis: WHAT??!
Nurse: ...that you might wake up tasting garlic in the morning, but that just means it's working.
Cranquis: OH MY WORD, that is just ridiculous! What kind of wacko--?
Nurse: So I'm just wondering, do you smell garlic? (blows in Cranquis' face)
Cranquis: AAAAAUGGGGGH!!!
Nurse: Ha! That's what you get for that horrible ear-wax joke you pulled on me yesterday!
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If you are older than 12, and you show up with a marble in your nose, prepare to receive a bit of mocking from your doctor. Just sayin’.
(Today’s winner: 17 years old — “I was just pretending to stick it in there, and…”)
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ladyofthehouse replied to your chat: TSK: Dr. Cranquis pushes his nurse’s buttons.
I thoroughly support this “treatment.”
“Yes, folks, it’s Cerumen Transplantation(tm), the breakthrough treatment invented by Dr. Cranquis, and recently mentioned in the best-selling holiday novel by TLOTH: Do You Ear what I Ear?” :)
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inadvertentpremed replied to your chat: TSK: Dr. Cranquis pushes his nurse’s buttons.
GROSSGROSSGROSS!!! I’m with your nurse.
Man, give me a good case of impacted ear wax any day, instead of an infected pilonidal (butt-crack) abscess!
zenbound replied to your chat: TSK: Dr. Cranquis pushes his nurse’s buttons.
You just took things to the next level. o.O
“Ask your doctor if...
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TSK: Dr. Cranquis pushes his nurse's buttons.
Nurse: Oh please oh please, don't tell me you want me to clean out that old guy's ears, I can't stand ear wax!
Cranquis: Oh no, don't worry, he doesn't need his ears cleaned out.
Nurse: (huge sigh of relief)
Cranquis: In fact, the reason his ears are itchy is because he's been keeping his ears TOO clean. So what I'd like you to do is dig some wax out of your OWN ears, and stuff it into his ears.
Nurse: STOP! I'M GONNA VOMIT! STOP IT!
Cranquis: Merry Christmas! :)
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The 10 Types of Physican Bloggers
drshutterbug:
ziyadmd:
Physicians, and medical students for that matter tend to fall into 10 different categories — which type are you?
Not sure which type I am.
I think I’ve got a lock on the Funny+Whiny market. :)
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“For some reason, it’s good to see you, doc — even though it means...”
– One of the highest compliments I’ve ever received from a patient.
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TSK: Dr. Cranquis loves it when his patient makes...
Cranquis: Hey there, how are you feeling today?
Patient (chuckling): Well, a bit menopausal, but otherwise ok.
Cranquis (laughing): Ha-ha! I was going to complain about my itchy ankle, but I think you win.
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Behind the Medic: Aw Chew.
For the past 6 months, I sneeze loudly while dictating charts into a phone — but only if I’ve been dictating for more than 10 minutes non-stop. (Yes, I’ve timed it). I’m pretty sure my transcriptionists must hate me, because I don’t always manage to pull the handset away (or hit the “Pause” button) before bellowing into their ears.
My...
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poesraven333 replied to your chat: TSK: When you just feel like crap — make a run for the border.
I fucking love your blog! I now have a new found respect for doctors!
Thanks! :)
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TSK: When you just feel like crap -- make a run...
Cranquis: Ok, let me try asking the same question in a different way -- Is there any part of your body that DOESN'T hurt today?
17-year-old female patient: NO EVERYTHING HURTS AND I'M JUST TIRED AND I FEEL LIKE S--- AND THIS SUCKS.
Cranquis: Okey dokey. (Does physical exam, determines a sinus infection and bronchitis). I'll be putting you on some antibiotics and cough medicine, and I think you should stay home from school today and tomorrow.
Patient: I WANT TO BE OFF ON THURSDAY TOO, SINCE IT'S JUST A HALF-DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS BREAK AND I'M JUST TOO TIRED TO GET OUT OF BED.
Cranquis: But of course. (A bit of paperwork and prescriptions, and the patient is discharged). Ok, I hope you get well soon, bye-bye.
Patient: YEAH YEAH. (Patient goes into waiting area, starts yelling at her mom without realizing that I can totally still hear her) COME ON MOM, LET'S GO GET SOME TACO BELL!
Cranquis: Ah, the satisfaction of curing the ill.
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At 100 years old, an Ohio doctor is still in →
wifeofadocstar:
Dr. Fred Goldman sits in his office in Cincinnati. Goldman, who turned 100 years old on Dec. 12, has been a practicing physician for 76 years. He still works three days a week and has an office in the old Jewish Hospital on Burnet Ave.
My mother in-law shared this with us today. Just amazing…(and this guy is absolutely hilarious)
Wow — I want to be like this man:...
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I need an intern.
jayparkinsonmd:
Next month, we’ll be launching a new company, Sherpaa. I’m looking for a medical student who wants to learn a few things about starting a health company. You must be:
tech savvy and can navigate your way around web apps
entrepreneurially-minded
in NYC
curious
ready to go ASAP
Send me an email if you’re interested. Let’s talk.
What an opportunity! C’mon readers, I...
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I thought this might make you laugh
(submitted by reader kangofu-cb)
“Advice from an ER doctor to drug seekers”
From a Craigslist ad by an ER doc. It certainly made myself and colleagues laugh, being that it’s a situation we’re quite familiar with, and I’m sure you are, too.
Date: 2007-03-27, 9:56AM PDT
OK, I am not going to lecture you about the dangers of narcotic pain medicines. We both...
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Pen in GI tract for 25 years, still writes. →
Best part of this article: paragraph 5, describing the patient’s (rather dumb) behavior that led to swallowing the pen in the first place.
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“Yeah, Daddy has Parkinson’s in his knees real bad. The doctor’s just helping his...”
– Overheard in a nursing home common room (via drshutterbug)
Time to get a second opinion from the local witch doctor. I hear they’re doing amazing things with goat urine nowadays! *eye-rolling*
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"How to Date a Med Student" →
Humorous (but pretty-much accurate) list of “tips” for dating a med student.
#12. “My brain’s filled with so much information, I can’t be expected to remember THAT!” will be the standard excuse for forgetting anniversaries, birthdays, and, if you get this far, probably the birth of your first-born.
Want more? Here’s some of my personal tips on the matter.
...
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Dr. Shutterbug's Ramblings: The worst test in the... →
drshutterbug:
There’s a lot of talk about poop on the Geriatrics service: who’s doing it too much, who’s not doing it enough, what orifice it’s coming from, etc. Recently I had a whole lecture on constipation, where I learned about a procedure called defecography. The point of the procedure is to…
Another funny (and poop-related) post from Dr. Shutterbug. NASSSSTY.
Repost: Dr. Cranquis does gross things →
Just thought about this old post, after having to drain a nasty-smelling abscess in this girl’s ear-lobe (gotta love infected ear piercings!). Enjoy, or something.
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TSK: Dr. Cranquis never met a metaphor he didn't...
Cranquis: Well the xray of your wrist looks good, so I really think the pain and stiffness is from tendonitis.
Patient: But then why am I getting tingling and cold feelings in my fingers?
Cranquis: Think of it this way -- your wrist is a tunnel made up of bones, and it has 3 lanes of traffic, the nerves, blood vessels and tendons. In your case, the sprain of your wrist made your "taxi-cab" tendons turn into wide-load semi trucks, and they're causing a traffic jam for your nerve signals and blood flow.
Patient: Hey, that is a cool analogy!
Cranquis: I just made that up for you, no need to thank me. :)
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Cranquis-Mail Inbox is currently CLOSED
My TumblrMSG inbox is currently open for your questions.
Drop me a line
Guidelines for submitting questions can be found here.
EDIT: Closed now. Open for 30 minutes, received 9 questions:
Tips on being a blogging doc/med student — staying anonymous and maintaining patient privacy
Sharp pain in shoulder
Physical symptoms with panic attacks
“If you could dye your hair an...
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"How Doctors Die" -- A doctor writing about why... →
Powerful article, with insight on how many doctors refuse to receive the very life-prolonging (but NOT life-improving) interventions which they feel “pushed” to provide for many terminal/critically-ill patients.
Personally, I’m “No Code”, and ever since med-school ICU rotations, I’ve often spoken with my medical colleagues about my mental list of conditions for...
“My wife is so frugal, I bought her a pool-table just so she’d have 6 more...”
– Cranquis’ colleague — I lol’d. :)
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“Somewhere out there, there’s a unionized group of radiologists going what the...”
– Dr Cranquis, on House. (via mb22)
Oh man, people are posting quotes from my interview on Tumblr. I am a super-star. :)
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TSK: Dr. Cranquis, Myth-Master.
Cranquis: Oh wow, look at that big lump on your forehead, Allie!
6-year-old Allie (sniffling and kinda scared, but talkative): yes i fell down on the playground because this boy was chasing me and i hit my head and i got a bump.
Cranquis: Well you know what it means when you get a lump on your forehead?
Allie: what?
Cranquis: It means that, somewhere, a unicorn is thinking about you!
Allie: oh, oh, i dressed up like a unicorn for Halloween, i love unicorns!
Cranquis (totally not expecting this trick to work so well): See? Told ya.
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What medical school did you go to?
Hi, Dr. Cranquis. I was just wondering if you went to an American medical school since I read that you and your wife had a long distance relationship during med school. I was wondering because I’m in a relationship and things might turn out that way for us. Thanks in advance.
Fabiola
Sorry, Fabiola — that type of specific Cranquis-Info is protected under the “Cranquis Is...
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