Dr. Cranquis' Mumbled Gripes
(Disclaimer: Questions related to medical topics will be answered to the best of Dr. Cranquis' (and Google's) knowledge, but the internet-delivered wisdom on this blog CAN NOT AND SHOULD NOT SUBSTITUTE for your Real-Life Doctor's personal attention + examination, and your own common sense too! If you think you're having a medical emergency, hang up and go email 911. The author of this blog takes no responsibility for any medical, relationship, scholastic, financial, or other decisions you may make based on information found in this blog.)
And since people seem to be a bit confused about this: any "real-sounding" patients names are just horrible puns, and not HIPAA violations.
What is the mysterious impulse which causes someone to wake up one day and say:
You know that painless bilateral leg swelling I’ve had for the past 5 years? The swelling that I keep forgetting to mention to my primary care provider at every visit I’ve ever had? Well today is the day to get that crap figured OUT. And no I will NOT make an appointment to see my PCP — by jove, I’m going to the URGENT CARE. And hell yes, I’m gonna demand a full work-up be done today! And heck no, I am not going to go to the follow-up appointment with my PCP next week!
- 50-something female patient (here for "painful urination for 8 days"): What took you so long to come back?
- Cranquis: Um, the urine test takes 3 minutes to run, sorry about that. The result definitely shows a bladder infection.
- Patient: Well DUH, I told you I had a bladder infection when I came in here, like FOREVER ago.
- Cranquis (glancing at computer, which shows she has been in our clinic for a grand total of 15 minutes so far): Well let me just send off the antibiotic prescription for you and...
- Patient: I don't want any antibiotics! I just wanted to confirm I had an infection.
- Cranquis (glancing at computer, which shows that it only FEELS like I've been in this room for FOREVER): ...
This parody video of “Thrift Shop” was created for Harvard Medical School and Harvard School of Dental Medicine Revisit 2013, by HMS/HSDM class of 2016.
Although I call myself a non-gunner all the time…there is some stuff in here that is too perfect NOT to share.
AWESOME.
(The funny thing is, BY DEFINITION, no gunners could have been involved in the making of this video!)
What’s BAD: The 10-year-old kid with the intense athlete’s-foot fungal infection on both feet, due to rarely (never?) changing his filthy socks or washing his feet.
What’s WORSE: The rest of his family obviously doesn’t value personal hygeine much either (I had to breathe through my mouth for the entire visit).
What’s WORST: As I’m trying to politely educate the parents on the need for basic habits like bathing and doing laundry, I notice the kid picking off flakes of dying skin from between his toes… AND POPPING THOSE YUMMY BITS INTO HIS MOUTH.
- Cranquis: So if OTC eye-drops helped with your eye-allergy symptoms last spring, how come you didn't try them for the same symptoms this spring?
- Teen with itchy eyes: Because my mom was having itchy eyes last week, and she bought the drops and tried them, and they didn't help her, so I figured they wouldn't help me either.
Well here we are again at the end of the school year, and the TOADS’ inboxes are flooded with “oh crap, I got a C” questions once more.
Since we are all tired of answering these questions, I’ve decided to make the ultimate guide for bad grade advice. So here goes…
Two things:
1) TOADS = Tumblr Organization of Anonymous Doctors (and also medical) Students.
2) This post is just beautiful.
thuc:
I’ve moved my site, Cool Health Infographics, back onto the tumblr community. New template and no more advertisements.
Follow it for a daily dose of infographics pertaining to health. Posts are queued to start tomorrow.
Cheers!
It’s back! Yippee!
Speaker (with thick East Indian accent): “…prompt removal of the stenotic portion significantly improved the patient’s symptoms.”
Cranquis (mimicking the accent under his breath): “Remowal. Remowal. Gotta remember to replace the V’s with W’s”
Mrs. Cranquis: “You know, these presentations are supposed to improve your skill as a doctor, not improve your ability to talk like Apu from Kwik-E-Mart.”
So I’ve noticed on my blog and most of the other medblrs I follow that there have been a metric crapton (units= kg/crapⁿ, n=number of craps) of asks from concerned pre-meds about their grades. It’s the end of the year. You’re getting your grades. Activate freakout mode.
O M G.
What a terrific collaborative project by Aspiring Doc and ERmedicine! First post KNOCKS it out of the park!
So we all kinda just ACCEPT that swimming pools are kinda gross on a microscopic level, right? Well, prepare yourself for the mathematical proof of that gross-ness.
The E. coli in the pool didn’t necessarily come from a bowel movement, Hlavsa said — and this is why it’s important to actually obey the signs that virtually everyone ignores about showering before going into the pool.
“The average person has about .14 grams of feces on their rear end,” Hlavsa said. “If that rinses off into the water, the amount from one person might not be that much. But as more and more swimmers introduce it that much, it does become an issue.”
She’s actually done the math.
“Let’s imagine 1,000 kids go to a water park. They have as much as 10 grams of feces on their rear ends,” she said. “We are now talking about 10,000 grams or 10 kg. That translates to 24 pounds of poop in the water.”
So one important rule – never swallow the water from a swimming pool. “Basically, these pools are big bathtubs we all share together,” Hlavsa said.
24. Pounds. of Poop. in the Pool.
(Worst Dr. Seuss book title ever, btw).
Think I’ll stay home and run through the lawn sprinkler instead.
I lol’d.
(with apologies to Eileen Christelow)
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell off and hurt his head,
The mama called the doctor, and the doctor said,
“No more monkeys jumping on the bed!”
Then…
Four little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell off and hurt his head,
The mama called the doctor, and the doctor said,
“Seriously? Another one within an hour? Let’s talk about basic home safety.”
Then…
Three little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell off and hurt his head,
The mama called the doctor, and the doctor said,
“This is getting ridiculous, it’s 1 am, why are your children still awake?”
Then…
Two little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell off and hurt his head,
The mama called the doctor, and the doctor said,
“OK NOW I AM SERIOUS, PUT THE MATTRESS ON THE FLOOR OR SOMETHING!”
But…
One little monkey jumping on the bed,
She fell off and hurt her head,
The mama called the doctor, and the doctor said,
“sigh… have you ever heard about Munchausen by Proxy?”
(Check out the musical version, with monkey sound effects by Mrs. Cranquis and me!)
Two men experience 1 hour of simulated labor pains, through the “miracle” of hooking electrodes up to their abdominal muscles… while their wives watch (and giggle).
Mrs. Cranquis: you are my super-hero.
Hey, it’s Tumblr Tuesday! Here are just a few of our favorite Tumblr blogs of the moment:
Hyebin Lee
A Seoul-born, London-based animator and illustrator, Hyebin’s short films have been shown at festivals all over the world. (Above: Readers.)Chronic Curve
A 21 year old student and ePatient advocate working to help others navigate through life with chronic pain, chronic disease, and disability.Bisous les Copains
A new beautiful isometric gif every week from artist Guillaume Kurkdjian.Dig This Treasure!
The internet musings of two bickering estate sale enthusiasts.The Worst Room
A blog about trying to find affordable housing in New York City.
Congratulations to Chronic Curve — it’s about danged time!!! :)
The first portion of my paternity leave for the birth of Baby Cranquis 2.0 will end this weekend. I go back to work in 7 days. BOOOO.
(However, this will mean new TSK’s, which have been in short supply lately. So, yay?)
